How America stoked England's anger by offering a cookie for a snack
by rev lady mal
Summary: England visits America and discovers he's been trading with the Dutch, mostly from some of the language America's adopted.


How America stoked England's anger by offering a cookie for a snack

England knocked loud enough on the door to make the neighbor's dogs bark. As they filled the morning air with the alarm that he was disturbing everyone he scowled at the still unanswered door. Where the hell could that boy be? He used to cry whenever England left to deal with business at home or with his other colonies but he'd grown quiet for some time. England was actually worried about him; had come to check up on him and make sure he was all right.

But the door still went unanswered.

"Bloody hell." He muttered and tried the door handle. The door creaked ajar. He hesitated for only a brief moment, then pushed the door wider and made his way in. He walked into the kitchen and found dirty dishes on the bench, half eaten food on the table, and above him he could hear footsteps moving quickly across the floor and a door slam. "America! Get down here boy this instant!"

The steps continued down the stairs until the young colony landed at the bottom with a loud thud and came into view. The first thing England noticed when America stood to his full height was that he was even taller than last time he visited. England's scowl deepened.

America's eyes had a look of panic that belied the smile spreading across his face. "Hullo England! What brings you here? If I'd known you were coming I would have tidied up first!" He started clearing the dirty dishes off the table and piled them on top of the dishes already waiting to be washed on the bench

England watched him work for a moment then asked him "So, how have you been since I was here last?"

"Oh just hunky dory!" America replied cheerfully.

England's frown returned, "Pardon?" He asked, "What did you say?"

"Oh! I'm fine I mean." America corrected himself as he put the kettle on for tea and started rummaging through the cupboard. He pulled out a box of tea and set it on the table. "So, you didn't answer my question, what brings you here?"

"You, git." England answered with a flat tone. "That water will never boil with the fire so low."

"Oh sorry, I'll stoke it"

"What? What does that even mean?"

America looked up from stirring the coals around in the fireplace, "What does what mean?"

"Never mind," England retorted, picking up the box of tea on the table and looking closer at the markings printed into the wood, which made his frown deepen even more, "Where the hell did you get this tea?"

America jumped at the tone of his voice, making him nearly drop the bag of sugar he had just picked up to refill the sugar bowl. England walked up and grabbed it, looking closely at the label. "This sugar did NOT come from an English colony, it's Spanish!"

"It is?" The young colony asked, peering closely at the bag as if just seeing it for the first time. "I wonder how that got here?"

"And this tea!" England said harshly, "It has 'Dutch East India Company' clearly marked on it. What is going on here!?"

"Uh – I-I'm trying to make you some tea, that's what's going on!" America stammered, pressing his back into the bench. England began looking around the room more closely, noticing things now that he hadn't when he first walked in. He walked over to a row of hooks on the wall next to the door and pulled a hat down to look at it.

"This hat wasn't made in England! Where did you get it? Answer me now boy!"

"In case you haven't noticed, I've grown since you were here last, and my old hat was too small. I needed a new one and a milliner opened up right here so I - ."

"Bought a hat made here in the colonies." England interrupted. "America, how could you. Next you'll tell me you've been smuggling too."

America jumped again. He laughed nervously and scratched at the back of his head. "Who me? That's poppycock England and you know it!"

England glared at him, "Would you bloody stop."

"Stop what?" America asked, confused, "Why is it you disappear for years sometimes but when you show up again you think you can boss me around –"

"I SAID STOP IT!" England bellowed, banging both fists on the table. "Speak English when you talk to me! Do you even hear yourself?"

"Hey, the water's ready! Let me make your tea and you have a seat okay?" America said, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible. "I bet you're hungry too after your long trip. I'll get a snack to go with your tea!" He turned his back before he could see England's face grow red with anger. He pulled a biscuit tin out of the cupboard, pried off the lid and turned around to offer it to the older country. "Cookie?"

"THAT'S IT! No more trading with the fucking Dutch!"

Author's Note: Just a short fic about the Navigation Acts. Damn I wish these plot bunnies would leave me alone.

After the end of the 30 Years War in 1648 the Dutch literally exploded onto the international trade scene moving goods all over the world, especially to the colonies in the New World. Trade between the colonies and the Dutch grew so big that the British Empire imposed a series of "Navigation Acts" on the colonies; only allowing goods to be transported on British ships and outright banning some goods altogether. Fortunately for the colonies having such a negligent parent as Great Britain, the acts were very loosely if ever enforced and smuggling became a commonplace (and profitable) business.

The Dutch colony of New Amsterdam prospered for many years, so much so that when Sweden tried to start a colony nearby the Dutch easily drove them off. There was a great deal of competition between the Dutch and English, with the English eventually winning out, and New Amsterdam became New York.

American English is full of Dutch words, such as cookie, snoop, snack, stove, stoke, boss, wagon, yacht, hunky dory and poppycock. There are also a number of phrases that came from this time period courtesy of the English such as Dutch courage (being drunk), Dutch drink (last drink in the bottle), Dutch praise (getting bitched out), and the one we still use the most today, Dutch treat or going Dutch (everyone pays for their own).


End file.
